Once And For All

Once and For All by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

I used to be so triggered by blood that I shied away from this concept regarding Christ. I think blood trauma was intentional conditioning to keep me away from this connection. I am being healed. It no longer makes me shrink. It brings freedom.

I saw this picture and thought that being wrapped in a glorious and elegant red flowing dress might be a more welcoming picture and concept for survivors of ritual trauma.

Sphere: Related Content

Trusting Jesus For Memory Recovery

Trusting Jesus For Memory Recovery by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

This set represents an experience I had at the beginning of my memory recovery journey. It was in 1991 and the first memories of abuse were beginning to emerge in fragments. I was agonized over not being able to remember what had happened to me.

So one day I decided to hypnotize myself so I could explore my subconscious mind and find out what happened to me. I did this by visualizing myself descending stairs and counting backwards from ten.

As I was doing this, suddenly Jesus appeared to me standing in my way on the stairs. I became angry and demanded he get out of my way. He stepped aside just a little so I could see the bottom of the stairs.

There I saw a closed door with light around it. I immediately felt great fear. He asked me how I felt looking at that door and I just began to cry and fell against him. He held me and said that I needed to trust him with this process. He promised me that he would go before me and open the door when it was time and would give me the courage to face whatever was behind it. But now was not the time. I needed to trust him. I made that choice.

Now, years later, I understand why this block occurred. What was behind that door was worse than anything I had ever imagined. He brought me through that door and is walking with me and helping me assemble the puzzle that is my life and history.

Sphere: Related Content

Legends

Legends by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

I have found many "legends" inside which each tell a different story about who I am and where I come from. Which one is the real me?

Sphere: Related Content

True Nature of the Father of Lies

True Nature of the Father of Lies by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

My husband came up with this picture of who Satan really is when he is speaking his threats and lies to us from the shadows. They seem real and scary because we do not see the truth of who he is... The Father of Lies

Sphere: Related Content

The Wedding of Ancient and Modern Alchemy- Ruled By Secrecy

Wedding of Ancient and Modern Alchemy- Ruled By Secrecy by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

Ruled by secrecy- Muse

Repress and restrain
Steal the pressure and the pain
Wash the blood off your hands
This time she won't understand

Change in the air
They'll hide everywhere
No one knows who's in control

You're working so hard
And you're never in charge
Your death creates success
Rebuild and suppress

Change in the air
And they'll hide everywhere
And no one knows who's in control

Change in the air
And they'll hide everywhere
No one knows who's in control

Sphere: Related Content

I Dreamed I Saw A Great Wave...

I Dreamed I Saw A Great Wave... by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

This quote, said by Eowyn in the film version of the Lord of the Rings, is actually said by the character Faramir in the books by J.R.R. Tolkien. Tolkien stated that he included this dream in his books from his own personal experience which was also passed on to his son. Both father and son had dreams of great waves of destruction, what Tolkien referred to as his "Atlantis Hauntings".

"This legend or myth or dim memory of some ancient history has always troubled me. In sleep I had the dreadful dream of the ineluctable Wave, either coming out of the quiet sea, or coming in towering over the green inlands. It still occurs occasionally, though now exorcized by writing about it. It always ends by surrender, and I awake gasping out of deep water. I used to draw it or write bad poems about it."
– J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter 257

I too have had these dreams of great waves on more than one occasion. I personally feel they are portents of things to come; maybe not literal waves, but something overwhelming just the same.

Sphere: Related Content

The Dark Ones

The Dark Ones by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

This is a depiction of the first time I knowingly made contact with my internal cult created alter systems and associated internal landscape.

The woman in the collage is a representation of Becky, whose name was later changed to Rebecca. She called herself a "system liason". A kind of forward ambassador whose mission was to break through to me and start to make me aware of my true history that was split off from my awareness.

I met her in this internal library that looked like the one in the collage. She was actually sitting in the chair but I couldn't find the right image for the collage.

When I heard the words at that time, "The Dark Ones" I was filled with dread and anger that there was a whole terrible level of abuse that I was unaware of. I had been already dealing with memories of sexual abuse within the family for many years.

This suggested something far more sinister was at play here. How terribly right that was.

Sphere: Related Content

Grace's Abode

Grace's Abode by ElianaHephzibah on Polyvore.com

Many persons with complex DID have internal landscapes that are created in the mind to be able to hold parts and feelings and places that are too much for a child to deal with.

This is part of mine.

Grace was found to be residing in a replica of Glastonbury Abbey which was surrounded by a deep, dark forest in which many feelings were free-floating and suspended.

Grace's role is what therapists have called an "internal self helper". She holds much wisdom and faith and knows much, if not all about our collective history, parts, and systems.

Sphere: Related Content